Self Love

Once again I find myself so aware of the importance of self-love or self-compassion.  We all have our good, bad, and messy parts and yet it is so easy to be tolerant of others who are less than we would hope and yet we remain intolerant of our own humanity.  I like the above quote from St. Augustine because it reminds me that in the sequence of the great commandment loving others comes with the phrase “AS YOURSELF”.  Scripture invites us to love others as we love ourselves and yet perhaps that is where the challenge in life really lies.  When we love ourselves we’re truly freed of the burden of “needing” love so desperately from everyone else.  Loving ourselves is what frees us to be in healthy relationships with everyone else.  And yet we need to find that place in our heart that has not just a tolerance for our own humanity but a willingness to love ourselves with every fiber of our humanity.

Clearly I say more negative things to myself than positive.  My spiritual director has been inviting me to a bit more self-compassion.  I have been observing my self-talk for a month or so and, sure enough, it’s filled with a litany that can go on and on, filling me with all sorts of cruel words:  too ashamed, too fat, too wordy, too boring, too slow, too judgmental, and so on.  Self-love obviously moves on a continuum but the cruelty with which we treat ourselves might call us to a change of heart.  I am beginning to look at self-compassion as prayer.  If God has made me, and my desire is to praise and love God, then there is no better place to begin than in loving the self that God has created.  If I am to be compassionate and loving toward others as God calls me to be than I first have to learn how to be loving and compassionate to myself.  So, I have a new prayer practice.  I want to affirm within myself something good each day so that I can identify the beauty that God sees within me.  I want to surround myself with people who can see goodness and love within me so that I can receive their love and recognize my own worth.

I know that self-love is important because I believe that since God is love, love is a creative power that surrounds me and the more I can receive it, the more I will be able to give it and the more I can spread it.  And, if I maintain this mentality, I will be able to unite with others to fill the world with deep love and compassion.   The more self-love I can provide myself the more open I will be.  And so, as I pray, I invite the inner child and the painful memory into the stillness of my prayer.  I sit and let them soak slowly in the healing love of the God who is love.  I invite my cruel litany to be transformed into a litany of affirmation and praise.  And I ask the God of love to remind me over and over about what she could possibly see as good and beauty within me and, guess what?  I think I’m beginning to see it myself (at least every now and again).  My hope is that my strategy for making self-love a prayer might work for you as well.

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You are dust and unto dust you shall return -- Stardust that is!

As we are signed today with the ashes that call us to repentance and hear the words "you are dust and unto dust you shall return", let us remember our connectedness to all of creation.   The New Science tells us that our bodies are made of the same stuff as the stars.  The atoms of which we are made are the same as those in the stars.  They were actually created within the stars more than 13 billion years ago and those same particles/energy waves have been recycled over and over for 13 billion years.  Our bodies may contain some of the same energy particles as our ancestors, Jesus, Francis of Assisi, flowers, birds, and much more.  These ponderings bring us to a truth that is hard for us to take in.  We are all one --all of creation, all that now lives, all that have ever lived-- created by a loving God who calls us into the future inviting us to co-create in love.  You and I are an integral part of it all.  We are connected.  We often become so complacent that we forget the reality of our connectedness and focus only on our little world.  Pope Francis reminds us:  "Whenever our interior life becomes caught up in its own interests and concerns, there is no longer room for others, no place for the poor. God’s voice is no longer heard; the quiet joy of his love is no longer felt, and the desire to do good fades." (Eangeli Gaudium, p. 4)  Perhaps we need Lent to reconnect our awareness of our interconnectedness.   Our invitation is to recognize our unity and recognize the responsibility that this unity calls us to.

Pope Francis reminds us often of the poor and the material poverty that persists in our world and the

responsibility it should call forth in our lives.  In his encyclical Evangelii Gaudium" (The Joy of the Gospel) Pope Francis tells us "Jesus wants us to touch human misery, to touch the suffering, flesh of others (p. 133)," and he challenges us to avoid the ever present modern temptation "to be that kind of Christian who keeps the Lord's wounds at arm’s length (p. 133)."  Pope Francis tells us whenever we take a step toward Jesus we come to realize that he is already there, waiting for us with open arms. And so he invites us to pray:

“Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace.” (Evangeli Gaudium , p.4).

So, welcome to Lent, You are dust, stardust, and to stardust you will return.  The energy that connects us flows from an all loving God in whose image we are made, a God who never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy.  This very same God prepared for 13 Billion Years for this one moment when you and I choose Life for our world and our Universe.  Jesus is our model, "God in flesh”; Jesus invites us into His dying and rising.  Teresa of Avila tells us "Christ has no body now but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours.  Yours are the eyes through which he looks with compassion on this world.  This Lent will we be willing to enflesh the mystery of the Incarnation in the concrete reality of our daily lives?  Our observance of the Lent can support us in this effort.  May we do the inner work of Lent so that we can make a difference for all.

 

 

It is an amazing thing that on the holiday of Martin Luther King people choose to serve one another.  It is a great tribute to a man who modeled so clearly our interrelatedness and taught us that none of us can be who we called to be until all of us have the same right.  He was committed to non-violence even in the face of violence.  He knew how to take that first step and it pushed him on to climbing the whole staircase in faith — one step at a time.  Faith is what drove his every action and HOPE for all peoples was the outcome.

Martin Luther King, Jr. worked for the protection of human dignity of all, and had the courage to speak the truth to power.  His commitment influenced many to join with each other in working toward a more compassionate world.  And today that legacy continues as we work side by side.  As Americans he reminded us what our country is all about and called us to something better.  We aren’t there yet but we have taken the first steps and as we work side by side on this holiday of service we will come to know one another and, in that knowing, we will be a fuller and stronger nation.  In faith, we are taking those first steps but we have a long way to go to enable his dream to become the dream of our nation and the dream of our people — WE THE PEOPLE!  We the people can do this together — one step at a time.

At the Spiritual Center in the past week we had a Tai Chi Chih retreat where people came together desiring peace within the world and peace within their own hearts.  We had a group of men from St. Thomas on retreat trying to fill their lives with the Gospel Message and desiring to live it out day by day.  We had a group of women who came together to proclaim love within their own lives and desired to share it with one another.  These men and women know how important it is to live a principled life, and a life of committed engagement to social and spiritual transformation.  They are walking a stairway to hope by taking that first step in faith.  Join them and all those this day who are doing service to make a better world.  Take the first step.  You don’t have to know the outcome or where the stairs will lead you; you simply have to believe in your own goodness and desire to have a compassionate heart that will touch someone else and make their day just a little bit better.  It all begins with the faith to take that one little step and move in the right direction.  There is a world waiting for you to act.  There is a Gospel calling you to do just a little bit more.

As we deepen our understanding of the Gospels it is clear that the model we have in Dr. King calls us into action.  This past Sunday the first reading from Isaiah reminded us that we are called to be light.  Sister Marie Angela showed me a reflection that said:  "We live in the light to the extent that we live in the truth about ourselves.  Befriend a truth-teller, and be one yourself."  Martin Luther Kind lived in the light because he lived in the truth and had the courage to speak truth to power.  He also called each of us to do the same thing.  Taking that first step to move into action on behalf of the Gospel is difficult.  His actions moved many of us to join with each other in working toward a more compassionate and just country.  He has been a model for many encouraging us to live a principled life, and a life of committed engagement to social and spiritual transformation.



Listening and Wabi Sabi

I am blessed with a spiritual director who is an extraordinarily good listener.  As I pondered my gratitude for this gift I also recognized that her listening enabled me to be more at home with myself and gentler with myself.   Everyone likes to be heard and understood but it is far more important to be at home with ourselves.  I didn’t quite recognize the connection between listening and feeling at home until I read this quote from Rachel Naomi Remen’s Kitchen Wisdom:  Our Listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person.

 

As we begin this New Year what a great challenge for us!  The most important gift we give one another is the gift of listening.  A sanctuary is a safe haven.  Our listening can create this safe haven for others.  But what are “the homeless parts” within us that seek this safe haven?  As I pondered that question I got lost in my varied cracks, flaws and imperfections and the shame that so easily creeps within me when I see myself as less than worthy or less than perfect.  These are the homeless parts within me – the parts that I deny within myself over and over because I am convinced that everyone else has it more together or more contained than I.  A good listener enables me to let go of the need to prove myself and not worry about what people will think if we fail or give up or seem less than perfect in any other fashion.  Perhaps it is a good listener who enables us to be at home with the broken, homeless parts of who we are.

 

Thinking about my “homeless parts”, I have decided to embrace the Japanese world view of wabi sabi.  In this world view the aesthetic is described as one that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete".  Wabi Sabi is the art of appreciating the beauty in the naturally imperfect world.  This Japanese philosophy celebrates beauty in what’s natural, flaws and all.  Wabi Sabi nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect." (Powell, Rich)rd R. (2004). Wabi Sabi Simple. Adams Media)

 

What if we learned to cherish the flaws and the cracks in our messy lives, the homeless parts within us.  After all, it is the cracks in our life that let in the light – a good thing by any standard.  We can do this each day by listening to one another and creating a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person.  The challenge is on!

 

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new
things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your
world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly,
you're Doing Something.
So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New
Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made
before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it
isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
Neil Gaiman

Neil Richard MacKinnon Gaiman is an English author of short fiction, novels, comic books, graphic novels, audio theatre and films.  When I read this quote I initially thought it a bit strange but then the more I let it marinate in my heart the more I liked it.  God is so tolerant of our humanity and we, on the other hand, tend so often to demand perfection from ourselves.  If incarnation does anything for us, it is to help us accept our humanity.  God chose to be human in Jesus and, in that act, God shows us our precious our humanity is.  One look at the saints and we learn that making mistakes is normal even for those we set apart as models of the Christian life.

I tend to have some techy expertise and, often people ask me if I took classes and I say no but I should say YES I learned all I know through the school of mistakes.  It was through my mistakes that I learned all that I know.  For me now, every mistake I make on the computer is a challenge to learn something new and, in the process, to be able to help someone else who has made the same mistake.  I am also very willing to try new things because I know that I will always learn something new if I'm willing to make a few mistakes on the initial try.

One would think that I could transfer that same method of learning into my everyday life but I haven’t.  And yet, when I really think about it, I have learned my most profound lessons in life by my mistakes and I've made and continue to make quite a few.  I also have had a sense of adventure which gave me a willingness to try new things even if I'm clumsy in the beginning.   But probably my best example would be in relationships.  Each individual is a unique gift and, with time and mistakes, we learn the best way to love one another.  Often the people we love the most are the ones we make the most mistakes with in our relationships and yet, through those mistakes, we learn unique aspects of one another that often help us love them even more, especially the realization that they keep loving us even in our “humanness”.  Yes mistakes are a part of humanity and, in the end, they often help us as we grow in comfort with ourselves and others.

There is a fair amount of research that teaches us that we learn more about things for which we initially make incorrect predictions than for things for which our initial predictions are correct. The element of surprise in discovering we are wrong is conducive to learning.  The research of Professor Andy Wills of the University of Exeter takes this research a step further and established just how quickly the brain works to help us avoid repeating errors. By monitoring activity in the brain as it occurs, he and his colleagues were able to identify the moment at which this mechanism kicks in.  Monitoring individuals with electrophysiological recording by 58 electrodes placed on their scalp in computer simulations, the researchers identified activity in the lower temporal region of the brain, the area closest to the temples. This activity occurred almost immediately after the person was presented with the visual object that had previously made them make an error, and before there was time for conscious consideration.  How amazing is that?  So, with Neil Gaiman I hope that, in this year to come, you make mistakes.

(Source: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/07/070702084247.htm)

If you like this blog please visit the blog area on our Franciscan Spiritual Center website.  I make many more entries at that site.  May your New Year be filled with peace and joy!