Once again I find myself so aware of the importance of
self-love or self-compassion. We all have our good, bad, and messy parts
and yet it is so easy to be tolerant of others who are less than we would hope
and yet we remain intolerant of our own humanity. I like the
above quote from St. Augustine because it reminds me that in the sequence
of the great commandment loving others comes with the phrase “AS
YOURSELF”. Scripture invites us to love others as we love ourselves and
yet perhaps that is where the challenge in life really lies. When we love
ourselves we’re truly freed of the burden of “needing” love so desperately from
everyone else. Loving ourselves is what frees us to be in healthy
relationships with everyone else. And yet we need to find that place in
our heart that has not just a tolerance for our own humanity but a willingness
to love ourselves with every fiber of our humanity.
Clearly I say more negative things to myself than
positive. My spiritual director has been inviting me to a bit
more self-compassion. I have been observing my self-talk for a month or
so and, sure enough, it’s filled with a litany that can go on and on,
filling me with all sorts of cruel words: too ashamed, too fat, too
wordy, too boring, too slow, too judgmental, and so on. Self-love
obviously moves on a continuum but the cruelty with which we treat ourselves
might call us to a change of heart. I am beginning to look at
self-compassion as prayer. If God has made me, and my desire is to praise
and love God, then there is no better place to begin than in loving the self
that God has created. If I am to be compassionate and loving toward
others as God calls me to be than I first have to learn how to be loving and
compassionate to myself. So, I have a new prayer practice. I want
to affirm within myself something good each day so that I can identify the
beauty that God sees within me. I want to surround myself with people who
can see goodness and love within me so that I can receive their love and
recognize my own worth.
I know that self-love is important because I believe that
since God is love, love is a creative power that surrounds me and the more I
can receive it, the more I will be able to give it and the more I can
spread it. And, if I maintain this mentality, I will be able to unite
with others to fill the world with deep love and compassion. The
more self-love I can provide myself the more open I will be. And so, as I
pray, I invite the inner child and the painful memory into the stillness
of my prayer. I sit and let them soak slowly in the healing love of
the God who is love. I invite my cruel litany to be transformed into
a litany of affirmation and praise. And I ask the God of love to remind
me over and over about what she could possibly see as good and beauty within me
and, guess what? I think I’m beginning to see it myself (at least every
now and again). My hope is that my strategy for making self-love a prayer
might work for you as well.
To see more blogs go to http://fscaston.org/category/blog/
To see more blogs go to http://fscaston.org/category/blog/
